Days 8-14
8. Love Is Not Jealous
9. Love Makes Good Impressions
10. Love Is Unconditional
11. Love Cherishes
12. Love Lets the Other win
13. Love fights fair
14. Love Takes delight
SESSION 2 – SEPTEMBER 2, 2026
REMOVING NEGATIVITY: SELFISHNESS AND ANGER
Removing What Damages Love
Healthy relationships grow when selfishness decreases and Christ-like humility increases.
Outline
I. SELFISHNESS HURTS RELATIONSHIPS
Philippians 2:3–4 KJV
- Selfishness focuses on self
- Selfishness creates conflict
- Selfishness weakens relationships
Love asks, “How can I help?” not “What’s in it for me?”
Love Is Unselfish
Philippians 2:3–4 (KJV)
“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”
Introduction
One of the greatest threats to any marriage is selfishness. Many marital problems do not begin because two people stop loving each other—they begin because each person starts putting their own wants, opinions, and desires first.
The Bible teaches that Christlike love always asks, “How can I serve you?” instead of “What’s in it for me?”
Paul reminds us that healthy relationships are built on humility, honor, and a genuine concern for one another.
Verse 3 – Put Away Selfishness
“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory…”
Paul warns against two dangerous attitudes:
- Strife – wanting our own way, arguing, competing, or always trying to win.
- Vainglory – pride that wants recognition, praise, or to be right.
In marriage, love isn’t about keeping score. It’s about serving one another.
Marriage Principle:
A marriage becomes stronger when each spouse stops asking, “How can I win?” and starts asking, “How can I bless my spouse?”
Verse 3 – Choose Humility
“…but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.”
Humility does not mean thinking less of yourself.
It means thinking of yourself less.
To esteem your spouse means to value them, respect them, and treat them as God’s precious gift.
Humility says:
- “Your opinion matters.”
- “Your feelings matter.”
- “Your needs matter.”
Jesus demonstrated this kind of love when He washed His disciples’ feet.
Verse 4 – Look Beyond Yourself
“Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”
God isn’t saying we ignore our own responsibilities.
He is teaching us not to become so focused on ourselves that we neglect those we love.
Ask yourself:
- What is my spouse carrying today?
- What burden are they facing?
- How can I encourage them?
- What can I do that would make their day easier?
Love notices.
Love listens.
Love serves.
Three Truths for Marriage
1. Love Chooses Humility Over Pride.
Pride says, “Serve me.”
Love says, “How may I serve you?”
2. Love Values Your Spouse Above Winning Arguments.
A marriage doesn’t thrive because someone always wins.
It thrives because both choose grace.
3. Love Looks for Ways to Meet the Other Person’s Needs.
The happiest marriages are filled with two servants rather than two selfish people.
Love Dare Challenge
Today, intentionally put your spouse first in one practical way.
Perhaps:
- Do something they normally do.
- Listen without interrupting.
- Offer encouragement.
- Pray specifically for them.
- Ask, “What can I do for you today?”
Then do it with joy, expecting nothing in return.
“Love is never measured by how much it receives, but by how willingly it gives.”
II. ANGER MUST BE CONTROLLED
Ephesians 4:26–27 KJV
- Anger can become sinful
- Unresolved anger becomes bitterness
- Anger can damage relationships
Handle anger before anger handles you.
Don’t Let Anger Stay Overnight
Ephesians 4:26–27 (KJV)
“Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.”
Introduction
Every marriage will experience disagreements. Even the strongest Christian couples will have moments of frustration, disappointment, and hurt. The issue is not whether anger will come—the issue is what we do with it.
Paul teaches that anger itself is not always sinful. Jesus became angry at sin and injustice, yet He never sinned. Our challenge is to handle anger in a way that honors God and protects our marriage.
Verse 26 – Control Your Anger
“Be ye angry, and sin not…”
Anger is a natural emotion, but it can quickly become sinful if we allow it to control our words or actions.
Sinful anger often looks like:
- Harsh words that wound.
- Raising our voice to intimidate.
- Bringing up old failures.
- Refusing to forgive.
- Saying things we later regret.
God wants us to deal with the problem without attacking the person.
Marriage Principle:
Attack the problem together—not each other.
Verse 26 – Don’t Let Anger Linger
“…let not the sun go down upon your wrath.”
Paul is teaching us not to allow anger to settle into bitterness.
The longer hurt remains unresolved, the deeper its roots become.
This doesn’t mean every disagreement must be perfectly solved before bedtime, but it does mean we should refuse to go to bed holding on to resentment.
Sometimes the most spiritual words we can say are:
- “I’m sorry.”
- “Please forgive me.”
- “Let’s pray together.”
- “We’ll work through this because I love you.”
Verse 27 – Protect Your Marriage
“Neither give place to the devil.”
Unresolved anger opens the door for Satan to work.
He loves to whisper lies like:
- “Your spouse doesn’t care.”
- “They’ll never change.”
- “Just stay angry.”
- “Don’t forgive.”
The enemy delights in turning small disagreements into deep divisions.
But when a husband and wife choose forgiveness, humility, and grace, they close that door and strengthen their marriage.
Three Truths for Marriage
1. Love Controls Anger Instead of Being Controlled by It.
Strong marriages are not built by people who never get angry, but by people who choose to respond with grace.
2. Love Seeks Reconciliation Quickly.
Don’t allow today’s disagreement to become tomorrow’s bitterness. Address problems with honesty, kindness, and a willingness to forgive.
3. Love Refuses to Give the Enemy a Foothold.
Every act of forgiveness strengthens your relationship and weakens the enemy’s influence.
Love Dare Challenge
Before today ends:
- If there is unresolved tension, take the first step toward peace.
- Say, “I’m sorry,” if you’ve been wrong.
- Offer forgiveness if you’ve been hurt.
- Pray together, even if the conversation isn’t completely finished.
- End the day reminding your spouse, “I love you, and we’re on the same team.”
One small step toward reconciliation today can prevent a much bigger problem tomorrow.
“A disagreement doesn’t have to become a division when love chooses forgiveness before the day is done.”
III. HUMILITY STRENGTHENS LOVE
Philippians 2:5 KJV
- Put others first
- Follow Christ’s example
- Serve with a humble heart
The strongest relationships are built by humble people.
“Love grows when selfishness, pride, and anger are replaced with humility, grace, and service.”
Think Like Jesus
Philippians 2:5 (KJV)
“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:”
Introduction
Every marriage is shaped by the way a husband and wife think. Before our words are spoken and our actions are seen, they begin as thoughts in our minds.
Paul gives us one of the greatest marriage principles in all of Scripture: If we want to love like Jesus, we must first learn to think like Jesus.
A Christ-centered marriage begins with a Christ-centered mind.
What Does It Mean to Have the Mind of Christ?
The “mind of Christ” is an attitude of humility, love, obedience, and service.
Jesus never lived for Himself. Every decision He made reflected His desire to glorify the Father and help others.
When we adopt His mindset, we begin asking different questions:
- “How can I honor God today?”
- “How can I encourage my spouse?”
- “How can I serve instead of being served?”
- “How can I show grace instead of demanding my own way?”
The more we think like Christ, the more we love like Christ.
Three Truths for Marriage
I. Love Chooses Humility Over Pride
Jesus willingly humbled Himself to serve others.
Pride says, “I deserve better.”
The mind of Christ says, “How can I be a blessing today?”
Healthy marriages are built by two people who are more interested in serving than being served.
II. Love Chooses Grace Over Grudges
Jesus continually showed mercy to people who did not deserve it.
Every marriage will experience failures and disappointments.
The question is not whether your spouse will make mistakes.
The question is whether you will respond with the same grace Christ has shown you.
Grace heals what criticism often deepens.
III. Love Chooses God’s Will Over Selfish Desires
Jesus lived to accomplish His Father’s will.
Likewise, a strong marriage asks,
“What would Christ want us to do?”
Instead of,
“What do I want?”
When both husband and wife seek God’s will first, they discover greater unity, deeper joy, and lasting peace.
Love Dare Challenge
Today, before you respond to your spouse in any difficult situation, pause and ask yourself:
“How would Jesus respond?”
Then choose one practical act of Christlike love.
It might be:
- Speaking gently.
- Offering forgiveness.
- Serving without being asked.
- Praying for your spouse.
- Encouraging them with sincere words.
One Christlike choice can change the atmosphere of an entire home.
Memory Thought
“The strongest marriages are built by two people who daily choose to think like Christ, love like Christ, and serve like Christ.”
Session 1
Feel It Less — Show It More
- Love Is More Than a Feeling
- Love Chooses Patience
- Love Shows Kindness
Session 2
Remove the Weeds That Choke Love
- Selfishness Hurts Relationships
- Anger Must Be Controlled
- Humility Strengthens Love
Remember the six major lessons:
- Patience and Kindness
- Selfishness and Anger
- Communication and Respect
- Commitment and Sacrifice
- Forgiveness and Grace
- Living the Love Dare Daily
A great final takeaway is:
“The Love Dare is not about becoming a better spouse, friend, or family member first—it is about becoming more like Jesus Christ.”
Introduction
One of the greatest enemies of love is selfishness.
When we become focused on our wants, our needs, and our desires, we begin to damage relationships.
Another enemy of love is uncontrolled anger.
Anger has destroyed friendships, marriages, families, churches, and even nations.
The Bible teaches that we must learn to deal with both selfishness and anger God’s way.
Tonight we will discover how Christ can help us remove these obstacles and build healthier relationships.
Scripture Reading
Ephesians 4:26-27 KJV
“Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
Neither give place to the devil.”
Ephesians 4:31-32 KJV
“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
Philippians 2:3-5 KJV
“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.
Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.”
I. IDENTIFYING SELFISH HABITS
A. Selfishness Says, “What About Me?”
Selfishness focuses on:
- My needs
- My desires
- My preferences
Love asks:
- How can I help?
- How can I serve?
- How can I encourage?
B. Selfishness Creates Conflict
Many arguments begin when people insist on getting their own way.
Pride often stands behind selfish behavior.
C. Selfishness Is Opposite of Christ’s Example
Jesus came to serve, not to be served.
He humbled Himself for our benefit.
What selfish habits can quietly damage relationships?
II. DEALING WITH ANGER BIBLICALLY
A. Anger Itself Is Not Always Sin
The Bible says, “Be ye angry, and sin not.”
There is such a thing as righteous anger.
However, most anger becomes sinful when it is uncontrolled.
B. Unresolved Anger Grows Stronger
Anger ignored often becomes:
- Bitterness
- Resentment
- Hostility
The longer anger remains, the more damage it causes.
C. Anger Gives the Devil an Opportunity
Paul warns us not to “give place to the devil.”
Uncontrolled anger can become a doorway for greater problems.
What happens when anger is allowed to remain unchecked?
III. LEARNING TO PUT OTHERS FIRST
A. Christ Is Our Example
Philippians 2 points us to Jesus.
He willingly placed our needs above His own comfort.
B. Humility Strengthens Relationships
Humility says:
- “I may be wrong.”
- “Help me understand.”
- “How can I serve you?”
C. Love Chooses Others Before Self
Healthy relationships are built when both people seek each other’s good.
True love sacrifices.
What practical step can you take this week to put someone else’s needs ahead of your own?
The Cross is God’s cure for selfishness.
At Calvary, Jesus demonstrated the opposite of selfishness. He willingly laid down His life for those who could never repay Him.
The closer we draw to Christ, the less room there is for pride, bitterness, and anger.
When believers walk in the Spirit, the Holy Spirit produces humility, patience, kindness, and forgiveness.
The answer is not merely trying harder; the answer is allowing Christ to live His life through us.
Application
Ask yourself:
1. Is selfishness affecting my relationships?
Answer: Love grows when self-decreases.
2. Am I holding on to anger or bitterness?
Answer: Unforgiveness hurts the person carrying it.
3. How can I put others first this week?
Answer: Follow Christ’s example of humble service.
Assignment for Next Session
Complete Love Dare Days 8-14.
As you complete each day’s challenge, write down:
- What God showed you.
- Where you struggled.
- Where you saw growth.
- How your relationships were affected.
Come prepared to share one lesson God taught you during the week.
In Christ,
Darrell
